10 Reasons to Smile in Jakarta

Despite my first unfortunate night in Jakarta, I survived the ordeal and torture in the Big Durian during the following four days. In fact, I had a lot of reasons to smile here, which I am going to tell you in a little while. I, of course, strongly felt the crazy urge of getting on the next plane out and heading back home, but what the heck! I’m still alive here, I kept telling myself. Go to Hell with Hotel Karya Bahana, go to Hell with my loss of deposit, fuck off Jalan Jaksa, fuck off those assholes at the airport! I’m not going to let all these petty things stop me from enjoying myself here. I mean, come on people, I’m at the twelfth biggest city in the world, for crying out loud! What’s the big deal about being cheated by a stupid motherfucker hotel? Come on, what else can go wrong? Come on, I’m ready for more dangers! Come on, bring it on, you bastards! Is that all what you’ve got for me? You definitely can kiss my butt!

So, with these over-the-top spirits guiding me all the way through the sunny and stormy days in Jakarta, I dragged myself to every possible nook and corner as I was ready to smile for more finger-licking good adventures.

*****

1. First-class Jakarta

First and foremost, I should highlight the fact that Halim and I, without any hesitation, chose to stay at a more decent hotel called Hotel Arcadia, which is located in Central Jakarta – the so-called first-class area of Jakarta. Opposite the hotel, the whole cacophony was alive with a busy street life; fidgety makeshift stalls selling local foods, alluring pubs sprawling like healthy mushroom after rain, the smell of urine dominating the pedestrian walkways, the smoke and dust blanketing the air, the sound of roaring buses and speedy cars deafening the ears of eager tourists. These images were, for me, real and exhilarating.

And there I was, in the middle of this Central Jakarta where a modern life is being defined, blurring my initial views of third-class Jakarta. I knew that, as my friends had always claimed, I would miss the real picture of Indonesia here, but again, what the heck. I was at the most hip and sophisticated part of Jakarta, where walking on foot was as pleasurable as blitzing along Bintang Walk in KL; those big-budget hotels, tall business buildings, high-ranking banks, imposing embassies, arresting shopping malls, blinking entertainment outlets, and many other tempting attractions. I could see myself there, preoccupied and smiling.

2. Makan

If you are thinking of free food, not to worry – even the cheapest and most desperate hotel in Jakarta, like Hotel Tator, offers its guests with free breakfast. With a fresh morning ambience, I savored my first breakfast in Jakarta – the humble taste of coffee and toasted bread with strawberry flavor. For RM30 per night plus free breakfast, did I have a right to complain? Hell no, thank you Hotel Tator for saving my life. And go to hell with Hotel Karya Bahana!

Okay, what came next into my menu was unquestionably more remarkable. When Halim and I passed a hotel-like and air-conditioned restaurant called Garuda, we didn’t think twice. The Ayam Bumbu and Rendang were, unlike the Minang restaurants in Gombak, outrageously superb. For its irresistible taste and reasonable price, we came back to the same restaurant the following day, filling our hungry stomachs, smiling and happily full.

3. The Curse of a Map

When it comes to navigation, I had a few silly moments in Jakarta. I bought this expensive city map at MPH bookstore in JB, hoping that I would be certain of every single inch in Jakarta, not knowing that depending on a map can sometimes be misleading. Well, a map has always been my bible, so to speak. So, this is what happened. First, when Halim and I tried to find Sabang Metropolitan Hotel, I realised that something was terribly wrong with my map. According to the dear map, the hotel should be located at Jalan Haji Agus Salim. After walking past this road for a few times, exhausted and challenged, we were told by a passerby that the hotel had been demolished a couple of years ago.

Second, when we were at Mangga Dua Plaza and looking for TransJakarta bus, I demanded that we should walk back to Kota station, which was a few kilometers’ away. Then, Halim pointed to Ancol Station, which was right in front of us. I cursed at my map for all this wrong information. When I looked at the map again, I cursed at myself for another revelation – the map was a 2004/2005 edition! Damn it. At the end of the day, however, I couldn’t help smiling at my own silly self.

4. Mad Traffic

Has someone warned you that Jakarta is well-known for its overcrowding and unbearable traffic congestion? Well, you are welcome to this insane part of the world if you think you have enough guts and balls. Like these men who drive bajaj (the auto-rickshaws), who couldn’t be bothered by the wild traffic of the city. They could, for the record, effortlessly weave through mad congestion with such an amazing feat.

There was a time when I found myself screaming aloud in my head when he just cut the lines and went into what looked like hundreds of cars coming fast and furious from the opposite direction. Surprisingly, no one got hurt, no cars spinning wildly into the sky, no ripped flesh, no icy blood, no accident. These people definitely have their own smart ways of cheating death and surviving. Bearing in mind that Jakarta has the highest number of road accidents among Southeast Asian countries, I thought I was lucky to witness such a miracle. I tried to force a smile out of my dry lips.

5. TransJakarta

If there was an award for the most creative road system, I would definitely nominate TransJakarta as its strongest contender. Dearly termed as tee-jay among its locals, this bus rapid transit has seven private corridors, making it a sort-of ‘LRT’ system, complete with its own private stations. I was smiling when I noticed the female driver manually pressed a button for the announcement of the following stations. Yes, how manual.

However, I was a little annoyed when the female ticket officer refused to hand me the map of TransJakarta, saying that they normally didn’t give away a free map to passengers. I was furious, thinking that getting a map is a man’s birthright, wondering why I could always get a free map whenever I ride the MRT in Singapore. Anyway, apart from this trouble, TransJakarta was proven useful and convenient, saving my tired feet from a long-distance walk from my hotel to National Museum and putting back smiles into my already-exhausted face.

6. Great Landmarks

Among the many landmarks that impressed me most was Monas, the national monument tower that symbolizes Indonesia’s independence. Quite interestingly, this 137-metre tall tower also reflects masculinity and fertility. Well, for the unbelievable number of population in Indonesia, this is perfectly understandable. A million thanks should go to Mr. President for ‘erecting’ this ‘masculine’ value through such a great tower. By the way, standing next to Monas is the largest mosque in Southeast Asia – Masjid Istiqlal (Independence Mosque). The grandness of this mosque, I think, justifies the image of Indonesia as the largest Muslim population in the world. Very impressive.

As I was walking around the mosque, I had a glimpse of some clean-looking government buildings like Departemen Dalam Negeri and Mahkamah Agung. Taking a picture of myself in front of these buildings was irresistible even though there was a no-camera sign. Then, I suddenly stumbled upon a majestic Presidential Palace. I was ready to pose myself there when a serious policeman chased me away like a stray dog. I noticed then that there was a procession of royalties into the palace. Standing there, I imagined that I could just sneak into the palace and snapped a photo of mine smiling next to the macho Indonesian president.

7. Museum Nasional & Ancol Dreamland

What do a museum and a theme park have in common? Something to smile about, of course. For only RM0.35, I got to see the wonders of this 230-year-old museum. Known also as the Museum Gajah, this huge building houses not only historical stuff, but also archaeological, ethnological and geographical items. The best part was that I could see and feel the relics of mystical statues and ancient tombs exhibited casually in the open space. They were just so real and overpowering. This museum might not be as highly technological as the National Museum of Singapore, but it definitely completed my thirsty sense of curiosity of Indonesia’s cultural heritage and values.

Ancol Dreamland, on the other hand, provides a more practical fun for current civilians. Getting to this place was a headache, but getting around the spacious park was even worse. Opened in 1966, this popular resort destination is the largest integrated tourism area in Southeast Asia. So, be sure you’ve got comfortable sneakers before your feet get swollen due to long walks. Halim and I managed to catch an aerial view of the whole park while riding the Gondola, a skylift cable car system built along the shore of Jakarta Bay. The most unforgettable view, for me, was a poorly-managed landfill located just outside the theme park, beside a serene river and just beneath the modern elevated Harbour Tollroad. I was smiling, looking at the trees casually grown on top of this trash dump, admiring the people obliviously living among these waste materials. Who am I to judge? I said to myself. It could be their dreamland.

8. Shopping Paradise

I was thrilled to discover a lot of mega-sized shopping malls in Jakarta, which grandeur could easily intimidate the latest malls in KL. Just walk with pleasure into Plaza Indonesia, Plaza Senayan, Alun Alun Indonesia, WTC Mangga Dua, and you’ll find your jaws drop incessantly, gazing at their gargantuan concepts. But, be extra careful – before entering these malls, you might want to double check what you have put inside your bags because there are always tight securities at every entrance. This security measure made me feel both secured by the protection and terrified by the possible terrorist attacks. I refused to imagine the latter.

Of all shopping options available around here, I would recommend two places – Metro Tanah Abang and Sarinah. First, Metro Tanah Abang was over-the-top with its rich selection of young and funky fashion. It was like Sungei Wang in KL, only the size had to be more than a triple. The choices were too mind-boggling I couldn’t tell whether one shirt was better than the other. Sarinah, too, was mind-blowing. This should be the last pit stop before you can proudly announce to the world that you have been to Jakarta. I mean, look at those batik items and eye-catching souvenirs! That’s the reason why Halim kept asking me to come here over and over again. In the end, when I had used up most of my cash, I flashed my cutest smile to Halim, asking him to pay for me using his credit card.

9. Malaysieee…

“Terima Kasih, Mas!” said Halim to the female salesgirl, who looked confused and replied, “Bukan Mas. Ibuk!” She laughed at Halim’s poor grasp of Indonesian basic vocabulary. After being here for a few days, I became more conscious and critical of my own way speaking. Whenever I said something to a taxi driver or to a makcik selling mineral water, they would say, “Oh, Malaysieeeee yeeee…!” – with an excessive mock of schwa sounds at the end of each word. I was always caught in the middle – should I try to sound like them, which could save me from paying more, or should I just be honest?

Anyway, I was smiling most of the time, thinking of how these linguistic differences could serve as a common ground for more amusements. ‘Gratis’, for example, was seen almost everywhere on the street billboards and posters, which made me curious all the time. Having learnt that this Latin word means ‘free of charge’, I couldn’t help visualising the mad obsession of Indonesian marketers with free deals. Plus, don’t be mistaken ‘kereta’ with a car. ‘Kereta’ refers to a train while a car is ‘mobil’. What made me smile even more was the fact that these people kept correcting my English pronunciation. Yes thank you, I got it – it’s ‘mobil’, not ‘mobile’.

10. Glamorous Night

On our last night, Halim and I decided to take a break and catch the latest movie at a sophisticated cinema theater – Djakarta Theatre XXI. What’s gripping about this place was that it was so distinguished compared to a typical TGV theater in KL. Forget about Istana Budaya, this Djakarta Theatre XXI could boast itself with an elegant lounge which offers the latest fine dining experience with live band performances and all that, giving the well-groomed cinema-goers an Oscar feeling; glamorous and stylish.

Honestly, I felt like a celebrity myself walking into the theatre using the front entrance, not the usual back entrance, so everyone could easily scrutinize my famous face in the dimly-lit cinema. For the next two hours, I was all smiles, amused not only by the crazy acts of Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson in their bride wars, but also by the first-class movie experience in Jakarta. As I was walking out of the cinema theater, I didn’t feel the pain and bitterness anymore – they were all gone. I was high with contentment, thinking of all my best moments in Jakarta. I looked at Halim and thanked him for standing by me through good and wonderful times here. It was really finger-lingering good.

*****

And for all these idiosyncratic reasons and many more, I just have to keep on smiling and smiling when I think of Jakarta.