Miss Cekia & Mr. Ceklet

Miss Cekia and Mr. Ceklet have just died. They suddenly meet on a stairway to Heaven.

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Miss Cekia: Hello! You look very familiar. Have we met?

Mr. Ceklet: Well, I think so. You are Miss…

Miss Cekia: Nokia Norman. You can call me Cekia.

Mr. Ceklet: Nice to meet you, Miss Cekia. My name is Wallet Wallee. You can call me Ceklet.

Miss Cekia: You are definitely an ugly and old wallet, Mr. Ceklet! (Laughing jokingly)

Mr. Ceklet: And you are absolutely an outdated and broken hand phone, Miss Cekia! (Laughing tenderly)

Miss Cekia: Well, both of us must have been through a lot of bad things on earth. But good dogs go to Heaven, right? Thank God we are here, not on the other side. How did you die, Mr. Ceklet? Was it tragic?

Mr. Ceklet: Oh, yes. Some bastard took me away from my master, Cekmi.

Miss Cekia: What? Cekmi? The one working at UTM, Malaysia’s Premier University in Engineering and Technology? (Gasping excitedly)

Mr. Ceklet: Yes! That single and melancholic guy who drives a sad Wira. Do you know him?

Miss Cekia: Of course! That can’t be any other person on earth. He was my master too!!

Mr. Ceklet: Oh boy. God’s gracious!! We are so fated to meet up here. Poor Cekmi. My, er… our, master must be terrified now. I was like his soul. He treated me so kindly. How can he live without me?

Miss Cekia: It’s true, Mr. Ceklet. I’m his favourite too. I have been with him for so many years. You know-lah. People on earth cannot live without their hand phones. And Cekmi will definitely miss me so much.

Mr. Ceklet: Exactly. And you know-lah. Knowing Cekmi, he always takes his material stuff so seriously.

Miss Cekia: Ye lor. I totally agree. Wow. We seem to understand our master very well. Hey Mr. Ceklet, thank God I found you. I think we have a good chemistry. But how could I not recognize you? You used to be a handsome wallet with that strong and macho leather of yours.

Mr. Ceklet: And you used to be a pretty hand phone with that shining and slender housing of yours! (Smiling flirtatiously)

Miss Cekia: Wow. For a dead object, you do have some sense of humour after your tragic death, huh? Hehe. So tell me Mr. Handsome Ceklet, what actually happened?

Mr. Ceklet: You see, Miss Pretty Cekia, after that fucking thief took away Cekmi’s money, driving license, MyKad, two ATM cards, a credit card and an EZ-link card, he threw me away into a street, and I was hit by a lorry. That’s why you couldn’t recognize me.

Miss Cekia: Ergh. That’s horrible, Mr. Ceklet. You definitely had an awful death. And look at you now. You look hideous, haha.

Mr. Ceklet: And you look even worse, haha. Anyway, before I died, I remember I was in a petrol station. That fucking thief used Cekmi’s credit card to buy some petrol. I think he used almost RM200. He also tried to withdraw some money using Cekmi’s ATM cards, but he failed. Cekmi must have been clever enough to block his cards immediately after he realised they were stolen. I’m not sure what happened to Cekmi’s MyKad. I hope it will not be tampered for illegal use.

Miss Cekia: Oh, I hope so. That bastard should be burnt to death!

Mr. Ceklet: And I hope he will be sliced to millions of pieces in Hell! Haha. Anyway, do you remember what happened to you, Miss Cekia?

Miss Cekia: Of course I remember! Cekmi put both of us in his car’s dashboard before going to swim at Larkin swimming pool. Then, that bastard broke into the car. I had no idea know how he did that without any scratch. And I didn’t know how he knew that we were hidden there in the dashboard. He must have some superpowers!

Mr. Ceklet: Hmmm. I think he was part of some sort of organisation that organised criminal activities. Well, it’s JB anyway – the city of crimes!

Miss Cekia: I agree with you, Mr. Ceklet. The Singaporeans have been right all this while.

Mr. Ceklet: Huhu. Then what happened to you next?

Miss Cekia: Oh, that lunatic bastard used Cekmi’s post-paid line to call his friends. I think it must have cost dearly to Cekmi.

Mr. Ceklet: Did Cekmi ever try to contact you?

Miss Cekia: Oh yes, he did! I remember Cekmi’s weak voice, “Hello, who is this?” That bastard said, “This is Amin.” I knew that bastard was lying.

Mr. Ceklet: Geez. That fucking bastard even dared to pick up the phone!

Miss Cekia: Yes, I think he was stupid. Then Cekmi said, “Encik Amin, that’s my hand phone. Please return it to me!” That bastard said, “Oh, one Indian man sold it to me in Larkin just now. I paid him RM150.” There was a silence and I heard Cekmi begged desperately on the other line, “Encik Amin, please return it to me! It’s mine! Please! Please! Please!” That bastard answered, “Okay okay, I will return it to you, but you must pay RM150 to me.”

Mr. Ceklet: Gosh. That bastard was crazy! Did Cekmi agree to pay?

Miss Cekia: Yes. Cekmi wanted to see that bastard immediately. But that bastard said he couldn’t because he was in Johor Jaya with his family. Another lie.

Mr. Ceklet: Tsk tsk tsk.

Miss Cekia: Cekmi persisted and wanted to see him. At last that bastard said, “Okay. I’ll see you outside McDonald’s at Jaya Jusco Taman University at 11 p.m. Well, we are both Malays and I should help my own kind.”

Mr. Ceklet: That liar! Shame on him. How could he use that excuse to lie? Did he turn up at Jaya Jusco?

Miss Cekia: Of course not. If he ever showed up, he would be the dumbest bastard in the universe! Poor Cekmi. He must be hysterical trying to get the money from his friends to pay that son-of-a-bitch. Cekmi must be there outside McDonald’s, waiting very long, alone and sad. But that son-of-a-bitch just switched me off and laughed wickedly.

Mr. Ceklet: That son-of-a-bitch was one cursed evil creature! It’s despicable. Some people can just be bad and worse and worst. And how did you, er, pass away? Bad way, I suppose.

Miss Cekia: Oh, later that night, that son-of-a-bitch stripped all parts of my body and sold them to a hand phone tauke. After that, he dumped me into a drain. I was shattered to pieces and died mercilessly.

Mr. Ceklet: Oh my dear. Poor Miss Pretty Cekia. You are too beautiful to die that way.

Miss Cekia: You are so sweet Mr. Ceklet. (Smiling embarrassedly)

Mr. Ceklet: Ehem. Er, do you remember your last words?

Miss Cekia: Oh, I shouted very loudly: “Cekmi, I love you! Forget me not!”

Mr. Ceklet: Haha. You must love Cekmi so much.

Miss Cekia: Of course. He took care of me so well. May God bless him. Actually, Mr. Ceklet, this is not the first time Cekmi lost his hand phone. My sister, Siti Norkiah Norman, died two years ago in a washing machine. She even wrote a memoir to Cekmi. Cekmi posted it in his blog.

Mr. Ceklet: I’m sorry, Miss Cekia. I don’t know that a hand phone can be so sensitive and humane. Your sister must have been a good brand of hand phone.

Miss Cekia: Of course we are. We are the Nokias! That’s how we are programmed. My late sister always said, “We have a noble duty. We are connecting people.”

Mr. Ceklet: Wow. You are good, Miss Cekia. And yes, I have been faithful to Cekmi too. I have been guarding his precious belongings for a long time. I hope he will find a brand new wallet soon.

Miss Cekia: Don’t worry, Mr. Ceklet. Cekmi is a strong guy. I also hope he would find a better hand phone soon. He always wants to buy another brand of hand phone. I remember he once mentioned something like Omnia. Well, he’s going to get a new Ceknia soon, hehe.

Mr. Ceklet: Hey, look! We are almost there. Look at those beautiful angels. I think they are waiting for me. Oh my, I love heaven!

Miss Cekia: Okay-lah. Go-lah. They are beautiful maa… (Making faces).

Mr. Ceklet: Hmmm. Are you jealous, Miss Cekia?

Miss Cekia: Jealous? No way. Why should I? Cekmi is cuter than you-lah. Just kidding! Haha. Well, I just wish Cekmi were here. But of course, he needs to live on and move on. No matter how terrible the worldly life is, I just wish him all the best on earth.

Mr. Ceklet: Yeah. Life there sucks. It must be a hell tough one for Cekmi right now. He must have been acting like a drama queen, going all over the places settling all the chaos that fucking bastard has caused him. I hope our dear Cekmi will accept this incident openheartedly. Bad things are bound to happen. But good things always surpass the bad ones. He should be thankful for all the blessings he got so far. He might be a good planner, but God always plans better.

Miss Cekia: Whoa, you sound like an ustaz-lah!

Mr. Ceklet: Of course-lah. I am Ustaz Ceklet! And you are Ustazah Cekia! Haha

Miss Cekia: You ugly wallet!!

Mr. Ceklet: You ugly hand phone!!

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Both Miss Cekia and Mr. Ceklet run merrily into the heaven garden like a newly-wedded couple, happy to be reunited, while Cekmi is still roaming on earth, sad for the loss and eyeing for a more elegant hand phone and a more branded wallet.