Hilmi Hamzah

Hello again, my sweetheart Sydney!

How are you doing today? I hope you’ve missed me, because I have been thinking a lot about you these days. My Ummi said I should make a quick move before something bad happens, whatever that means to her. Alright, let me just tell you something that you’ve been waiting for – our greatest love affair.

No. 1 – Great People

The greatest love affair between us is, of course, the people I met during my short trip with you. Please allow me to narrate this at great length because this is my most favourite part of the trip.

First, I met the mother of the naughtiest cat in Sydney – Angelina Jolie. The strangest thing was, we never met face-to-face, but after two good hours chitchatting over yummy hand-made noodles and spicy fried beef, we were like two good old friends meeting up again after ten long years of absence. Oh, talking about dinner, she took me to the Silk Road Chinese Restaurant at Chinatown, which was surprisingly Halal! I know it didn’t matter to you, but I’m sure you would love the spicy taste of them. And Angie walked me through the New Town, which was such an adventure. It was still abuzz with activities even late at night. This was weird by your little brother’s standard. For flashy late-night actions, you truly rock, Sydney! (hey, I’m sorry for the unexpected ticket, Angie. Purr… meow!)

Second, I met my work-mate, Husna, and her cute family. It was really kind of her to pick me up near my hotel and brought me to her house for a great dinner. And Qistina was such a spoilt darling! She was so so shy she wouldn’t even say a word to me. She must be scared of you, Sydney – a blonde girl with blue eyes. But Husna said her daughter could speak well whenever she communicated with her in English. That’s amazing, right? But the highlight of the night was when Husna’s hubby took me to the Royal Botanical Gardens, sneaked near Mrs Macquaries Chair and snapped some great photos with you, dear Sydney. You truly looked sexier at night! (Thanks Amir, now I know there is a night-mode function for my camera)

However Sydney, I also met some not-so-nice people. First, the “Santa Claus” in-charge of the open-top tourist bus was pissed off when I asked him about the direction of the bus. “Can you see these people are lining up? Get into the line!” he said angrily to me in front of 30 other tourists. He didn’t even answer my question. I felt like a useless tourist. He must be so damn tired delivering millions of gifts during Christmas all over Australian continent. I wanted to say, “Fuck off, you old man! Go back to your Day-Care Center and die a long painful death!” Of course I didn’t say that, Sydney. I just left him there in peace. I’m a kind bloke, you see.

Second, I got on the Hotel Manager’s nerve when I rang him early in the morning on my last day. He was still sleeping. “Hello Daniel,” I said. “I know you ask me to leave the luggage in the room and you will ask one of your staff to bring it down to the office, but can you just come down now? I don’t think it’ll be safe if I leave it in the room.” I waited for his response. Then he said, “Can you just do whatever fucking thing I told you yesterday? Don’t do this to me again, okay!!” he hung up the phone rudely and angrily. I must have upset him for disturbing his sweet sleep and for not trusting his staff. But how could I trust him again after his “hospitable” treatment to me? He might as well burn my luggage out of sleep deprivation. So I played safe, putting my luggage under the trusted care of Central Station Management.

But I was not discouraged by these poor treatments, Sydney. I knew I would meet a lot of kind strangers out there. Indeed, I did have some interesting conversations with them. At Chinese Garden, I met Dave, an English man who thought that I was a Filipino boy. When I said that I was a Malaysian, he tried very hard to say some Malay words he learnt from his Malaysian friends. “Saya suka nasi lemak, tapi tak suka sambal,” he said. “Then why bother? It’s not nasi lemak anymore,” I said. He laughed heartily. He took some pictures of me using his professional camera and said, “You are very photogenic, pretty boy!” I quickly said good-bye after that.

Then, while walking through the bushy setting in the garden, I saw a few girls trying out some fancy costumes of Chinese empress. I knew they were all Malaysian girls, judging from the way they put on their tudungs. Don’t you look pretty in that tudung, Sydney? Anyway, you know what I did Sydney – while these girls were busy taking each other’s photos, I just slipped in the middle of them and said, “Malaysians right? Take my photo with you!” They were amused by my cute stunt. After a brief intrusion, I quickly left them alone. I think I have learnt how to be a casual Aussie boy, haven’t I Sydney?

Now, on my way to Manly Beach, I met Steven Young, a professor from the University of Glasgow. When he told me that he had just started a travel blog, I was very excited with the prospect of reading a professor’s thoughts based on his anecdotal experiences, not from his dry journal articles. “I wouldn’t write a blog if not because of my daughter’s insistence, but I know my writing will benefit not only my daughter, but also the generations to come,” he said wisely. Frankly speaking, Sydney, I was nervous during the whole small chat because, for god’s sake, I was talking to a professor on a ferry! But Steve was a down-to-earth man who offered his kind assistance to help me find the Bike Hire shop at Manly Beach. We actually had a hard time looking for the shop. But he just knew how to get around. “It’s always best to ask the locals,” he said. I put back my beloved map inside my bag and followed his style. And we found it at last, thanks to his intuitive strategy.

On the cliff tops at Manly, I met another two kind gentlemen. First, while I was admiring the great view of big islands from the cliff, an old Aussie man came to rectify my confusion, telling me that what I saw was not the islands, but part of the bigger mainland of Australia. When I asked him why the place was called Manly, not Womanly, he said, “You see, young man. When Captain Cook arrived here hundreds of years ago, he saw a lot of aboriginal men with manly attributes, so he called this place Manly”. What a manly decision! I hope pretty women like you don’t get offended by this history, do you?

Few minutes afterwards, I met Kai, a German guy, who said that he was frustrated because he couldn’t spot any whales from the ocean. I smiled and said, “Well, they must be here. It is New South ‘Whales’!” Kai laughed and said that it was a brilliant thought. Don’t you think I’m brilliant, Sydney?

Alright, while I was riding a bike, I met Yom, a Cambodian guy, who happened to be studying at the same University of Melbourne. He lived in Springvale, the suburb in Melbourne where, as he claimed, the Cambodian community gathered and reproduced. He’s such an interesting person whom I would surely look up again in Melbourne. “You are too young to study for PhD,” he said. Oh, he has no idea, Sydney.

Finally, on my way back to Circular Quay, I met Alex and Miriam, two sweet ladies from Germany. They were so young, just turned 21 years old. “Oh I’m 34 years old this year,” I said to them, to their delight and surprise. “Don’t worry, people in Bangkok looked at me with the same curious thing in mind. Even worse. They said I looked like a money boy!” I just cracked a bad joke. Don’t get jealous, Sydney. The girls didn’t bite me.

You see, Sydney. I talked to a lot of strange people on the streets. But I don’t want to mention about many other strangers whom I bluntly said, “Hi, How are you?” and asked whether they were kind enough to snap a photo for me. Once I was happy with my cute pose, I would say a brief “Have a good day” ritual and that was it. Such a pathetic gesture, don’t you think? Haha, I knew you would think so. But at least Sydney, I am happy now thinking of the chances to connect to a lot of people, though for “pathetic reasons”, as you might call it.

So, my darling Sydney, you’ve heard of all my stories. Do you like them? I must say that these whole discoveries of new places and faces made my short trip a truly worthwhile experience. Life unfolded and lessons learnt. And for all these great love affairs between us, I will always love you and adore you as a special girl in my life.

Er, would you marry me, Sydney? :-)

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Angelina Jolie’s Mama and her strong paws

Loverly Husna and her beloved family

Muslimah Empresses and their Emperor

Steven Young and his Young scholar

A Manly man and his not-so-manly protege

Kai and his whale-theory guy

Yom and his university-mate

Alex and Miriam and their money boy, haha

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p.s. Click here for My DDeghak Tales in Sydney

Oh my dear Sydney,

I think there’s something going on between us. One thing for sure, I’m in love with you (I know you like me too, don’t you?). I must tell you that I’m a lucky chap. We met at a perfect time and at a perfect place. I’m a lonely old boy and you are such a lovely old girl. Yes, I’m fully aware that you are now 220 years old (just 47 years older than your handsome little brother, Melbourne), but your old charms supersede most of the premature expectations I had in mind before I saw you. Thanks to the First Fleet from Britain that brought more than 1400 convicts and robbed your “virginity” in 1788, you have since then become one the sexiest girls in the world. Yes, you are really pretty, Sydney. You can count me on that.

Oh yeah baby, we definitely had a lot of great love affairs during my three-day-and-four-night stay. If you don’t mind, my darling Sydney, I would like to reveal some of our intimate moments to the whole world. No no no… not all of them, just 10 of them. Don’t worry, I promise I will keep those private moments we shared together to myself alone. But I’m sure you’ll be very pleased to listen to my bragging about your beauty, won’t you? Okay then, here we go. Let me start with number 10.

No. 10 – Day-dreaming Train

First and foremost, I had a long beautiful day before I met you. The long-distant journey on the train was amazing. I enjoyed the 12-hour day ride on Country Link, the largest network of train coaches in Australia. I knew I could book a one-hour flight from your little brother’s place, but I decided to take a long route. I heard that your splendor expands to so many parts beyond your region, so I wanted to experience just that. Indeed, I took great pleasure sitting back in an air-conditioned economy class coach while watching the magnificent Australian landscape roll by in front of my eyes. The train moved so slowly, but it didn’t really matter to me because your extended beauty was all around me, accompanying me throughout the journey.

Really, Sydney. I could feel your imminent presence there. It was like moving through a gigantic garden that never ended. While a violent-looking Aussie man sitting next to me was listening to his rock music through his blasting headphone and restlessly playing with his imaginary guitar, I was just day-dreaming, sitting quietly at a window seat, staring silently through the window glass, mesmerized by the sight of a flock of sheep moving in synch on a vast dry field or a mob of cattle grazing gracefully on a lush green hill. The anxious anticipation, building continuously just thinking of seeing you for the first time, made the journey more exciting. I could picture that you were waiting there for me in a beautiful garden in a city.

No. 9 – Romantic Garden

And so, I saw you for the first time in the Royal Botanical Gardens. You looked stunning in that natural dress of fresh flowers with a natural perfume of fresh plants. I looked at your welcoming smile and when you said, “Welcome to my Beautiful World, Mi,” I knew that you really meant it. Yes, I had come to a right place where something, or someone, was waiting there for me, ready to show me the marvels of your vista. Together, you walked me around these spectacular gardens, 30 hectares right in the heart of the city. To be frank, I had actually seen similar sceneries in Melbourne, but your little brother’s gardens were a bit remote from the city loop, which made it too private and too hidden.

But Sydney, your gardens’ location was outstanding. From the Domain section, I could spot your famous Harbour in front of me, the Farm Cove on my left, and the Wooloomooloo Bay on my right. It was a strategic setting for utopian gardens in a city. But you know Sydney, the best part of the gardens was Mrs Macquaries Chair. Yes, I expected to see a giant chair there, but I couldn’t find one. It was a bit disappointing, but you looked at me and said, “Just look to your left, Mi.” Then I saw it. “My goodness, Sydney! Is that your Opera House?” I jumped with excitement. You were smiling again.

No. 8 – Opera House

Yes, I saw this image of great beauty for the first time from the so-called Mrs Macquaries Chair at the Gardens. And yes Sydney, it was truly one of the great iconic buildings of the 20th century, a distinguished symbol for the whole continent of Australia. I rushed and wanted to have a closer look at the most famous performing arts centres in the world. I touched the building and felt its Danish design through my little fingers. “This is so different from the one I always see on postcards, Sydney!” I said. “Why? Is it ugly?” you asked. “Nooo… it is beyond my imagination. Better than those damn postcards!” I laughed at my own silly remarks. Then you said in a matter-of-fact manner, “Of course, Mi. This Opera House was made a UNESCO World Heritage Site on 28 June 2007, and it shares this distinction with such ancient landmarks as Stonehenge and the Giza Necropolis.” I was fascinated by your factual ramblings. You know what, Sydney. You looked even more darling in that serious tone.

No. 7 – Darling Harbour

I must highlight this particular Harbour because the name itself obviously speaks volume for its attractions. Yes, darling. Historically, it is named after Lieutenant-General Ralph Darling, the Governor of New South Wales in 1800s. But for me, it is named after the whole darling experiences that I could find there. Really Sydney, this place was such a darling to me, just like you. As I was walking on the Prymont Bridge with you, I couldn’t escape my eyes from a lot of eye-candies – the Sydney Tower peaking through the city skyline, the parade of restaurants encircling the Cockle Bay, the big Australian National Maritime Museum overlooking Sydney Wildlife World, the IMAX theatre bringing the world’s largest screen, the Sydney Aquarium featuring famous Dugongs and “alive” dinosaurs, and of course, my favourite Chinese Garden of Friendship, the garden where I wanted to immortalize my love for you.

No. 6 – Chinese Garden

Let me be straightforward with you, Sydney. When I a tourist officer told me that the Garden was the biggest Chinese Garden outside the People’s Republic of China, I doubted the information. That’s because I have seen a bigger Chinese Garden in Singapore. Ops, does that hurt you, Sydney? Please don’t, my dear sweetheart. I still think your garden was as magical. Close to Chinatown, it looked like a secret garden to me, small and private. The Dragon Wall, the Water Pavilion of Lotus Fragrance, the Twin Pavilion and the Tea House offered rich insights into Chinese culture and heritage. It also reflected your multicultural taste for Asians like me, don’t you think? Anyway, you should be thankful to your Chinese Sister City, Guangzhao in China, for establishing such a noble bond between China and Australia. But you are always pretty, Sydney, with or without your sister cities. You should know that.

No. 5 – Colourful Transport

I heard a lot of nasty remarks about your transportation system, Sydney. But I can’t say much about this issue because I didn’t want to take you around the city in crowded public buses or noisy trains. But we did have fun exploring the many majestic buildings and tall skyscrapers around the busy city on a colourful, double-decker, open-top tourist bus, didn’t we? Speaking of a tourist bus, you should know that you are better off in this regard compared to your little brother, Melbourne, who only has one free shuttle bus there. You can boast with not only a free 555 green shuttle bus from Central Station to Circular Quay, but also three more paid tourist buses – Sydney Explorer, Bondi Explorer, and of course, the open-top tourist bus.

Anyway, did you find the recorded commentary on the bus very funny, Sydney? Yes, I think it was the wittiest talk I’ve ever heard. But to be honest with you Sydney, I chose the open-top tourist bus because, besides being able to be bold and daring standing or shouting on the bus rooftop, it really valued my money. Just imagine, it covered both the Sydney Tour and the Bondi Tour with 30 stops where you could be sure the bus would come back every 45 minutes, and it was valid for 24 hours! That way, I could simply hop on and hop off at any stops and come back within 45 minutes.

I remember hopping off at a stop near the Harbour Bridge. I told myself that I must kiss this steel marvel with my own lips – it is the world’s fifth longest spanning arch bridge. Walking quickly through the bridge’s pedestrian walkway, it reminded me of the Guillemard Bridge in Kelantan. Looking at the history, it was no wonder to see the striking similarities. They were both built by the British in the 1920s! But I didn’t have much time to be nostalgic. So I took some great photos on the bridge, kissed the steel, and rushed back to the stop within 45 minutes! Wasn’t that thrilling, Sydney? So I managed to hop on the bus again and headed to the best stop of all – the Bondi Beach stop.

No. 4 – Bondi Beach

From atop the open-top tourist bus, I couldn’t resist my eyes from looking (and staring) at what looked like hundreds, or maybe thousands, of human bodies lying half-naked on one of the huge sandy beaches I have ever seen with my own eyes (except on TV and movies). I told myself, come on Hilmi, it is Australia’s most famous beach! When I looked at you Sydney, and please forgive me, I couldn’t help visualizing you in those pink bikinis, but luckily you didn’t strip off in front of me, which I was afraid I wasn’t ready to see. Instead, we spent our nice afternoon strolling leisurely on the golden sand. When the big waves came crushing on the beach, I let it swim through my feet and it was surprisingly cold. I wondered how those people actually had a good time surfing and swimming in such freezingly cold seawater, something that I couldn’t quite fathom about the definition of summer beach experience in Australia.

Really Sydney, this whole nakedness was such a new thing for me. Frankly speaking, when I saw those adamant sunbathers, I physically felt out of place. Maybe next time I should just walk around here with only my underwear on. But I was really shocked when you told me that the beach sometimes has some uninvited guests. “There have been cases of shark attacks at this beach,” you said that very casually. “What? Really?” I asked you innocently. “No, not really. Otherwise the tourist board should’ve included this little piece of information in their glossy brochures.” You are so clever, Sydney. I felt like kissing you there at the beach. Manly kiss.

No. 3 – Manly Experiences

If Bondi Beach did not make me Manly enough, Sydney, I had another chance to prove my Manliness at Manly Beach. Located north of the city, I took a 30-minute ferry ride from Circular Quay to the Manly Beach. There was one thing about this ferry that disturbed me. It looked like a typical old dying ferry I saw in Penang, Malaysia, but the internal facilities were so modern and mind-blowing. And the ferry cruise itself offered fabulous views of Opera House and Harbour Bridge, the scenic angles that you don’t want to miss to snap and put them in your nicely-framed photo albums.

When I arrived at Manly Wharf, I quickly got off the ferry and looked for something that I had always wanted to do in Australia – riding a bicycle and exploring Manly in a Manly way! So I hired a hybrid bike at Manly Bike Tours for the whole day. No, I didn’t join any tour group, sorry for not heeding your advice, Sydney. I preferred to head off alone on my own and set a record for myself for the achievement of riding a bike for the first time in Australia, yes, not in Melbourne, but in Manly! I was like, what a Manly thing to do, Hilmi! Bravo! Don’t you think so, Sydney? Of course you do, Sydney.

So, while you preferred to relax alone at Manly Beach (with your sexy bikini on this time!), I was busy following the bike trails and off-road trails and discovering breathtaking coastal views. No, I didn’t manage to follow all four levels of trails, but after bracing through all the hard trails and enduring my painful groin, I finally passed the first two levels for intermediate riders – Bike The Beach and Sydney Harbour National Park Explorer. The latter trail was the most unforgettable for me. Standing 200 metres on the edge of a high, deep, rocky cliff tops overlooking North Harbour, I had an amazing bird’s eye view of Manly and your magnificent CBD. Remember that music video of Westlife’s If I Let You Go? I thought I was singing in that music video. Trust me, my darling Sydney. I’m not kidding.

No. 2 – Amusing Names

I know you are one of the colonies of Britain, but can’t you be more creative in naming your own streets? No offense Sydney, but I’m tired and confused with all these recycled, quintessentially English names I could find at every nook and corner at your little brother’s place like Elizabeth Street, Bourke Street, or Fitzroy Street. The most overly-used name, as far as I could notice, is Victoria which is used twice in your city, and thrice in Melbourne, including the name of the state! Victoria is such a hot babe. No, I’m not mocking you, Sydney. My apology, sayang. I fully understood your sentiment to be always associated, if not colonised, with your great grandparents in England. But hey, I took great amusement in names because I love words.

For example, I noticed that the word Bondi, where I imagine the Agent Bond dies, is an aboriginal word, meaning “water breaking over rocks”. But my favorite word is the mouthful Wooloomooloo, meaning “a young black kangaroo”. And when I walked along that long-stretched George Street or that rainbowful Oxford Street, I noticed a lot interesting names for retail shops or restaurants like Sexy Beast, Dirty Girl, Thai Me Up, or Lick Her Shop, just to name but a few. Oh, I couldn’t help imagining dirty stuff of course. But your original aboriginal name is the best of all, Sydney. It’s Eora, meaning “here” or “from this place”. Isn’t that a lovely name, my dear Eora?

Why? Am I boring you? Have I said too much? I’m sorry if I have. I have just one more thing to say to you. But I think I’d better stop now. I’ll tell you the greatest love of all between us the next time we meet. I’m sure you can wait for that, can’t you? I know. Love takes time, baby. 

It is Manly to ride a bike at Manly Beach.